Home is my happy place. It’s my ultimate headquarters for blogging, some meetings, quality time with my 12 year old and of course, creative thinking. It has been my perfect abode of peace, laughter, musings, some cooking and often…well, just nothing! You know you are home when you can lie on the couch, feet up and hair down, and drown yourself smugly in a world created by you!
For more than two months now, I have been battling severe anxiety for various personal and work related reasons. Despite having dealt with post partum depression, I was yet again deeply ashamed of how I was feeling and internalised the whole thing. It took me a while to understand what was happening even though I found myself crying most of the time and stopped going to Crossfit, which I love to bits and is one thing that usually sorts my head.
If I was to describe simply how my days have been, it would be good and bad days. On bad days, I find myself holed up in my room, not leaving my bed, avoiding phone calls, crouching, crying and in pain. It would also involve me hiding from my dad and son so that they don’t see me in this state. And then there are good days. Those are the days I squeeze in all the work possibly I can (because I know it might not last), pay my bills, take my son out and meet friends. There have also been several days when I have dressed up to step out but some kind of unexplained fear takes over and I just end up crying myself to sleep.
I refused therapy because just like during my post partum depression I know if I’m deeply aware, I will figure a way out. The awareness comes from the fact that depression runs in my family and I know how it looks. And today as I watched this Ted Talk shared by a friend on FB by Johann Hari, it made complete sense. To quote him “Your depression is a signal. It’s telling you something. The very first step is we have to stop insulting these signals by saying they’re a sign of weakness, or madness or purely biological, except for a tiny number of people. We need to start listening to these signals, because they’re telling us something we really need to hear. It’s only when we truly listen to these signals, and we honor these signals and respect these signals that we’re going to begin to see the liberating, nourishing, deeper solutions.”
Of course, I realised that I need to do something to get out of it but I wasn’t able to think. I wasn’t able to think because I was distracting myself away from the problem by binge watching Netflix, being excessively on social media, eating and drinking erratically. Also, it’s easier to fool myself that way as my work involves using a lot of social media. Basically, I have been ignoring the signals.
I have been taking it one day at a time and however, anxious things, surroundings and people make me, –
1) I push myself to go to Crossfit even though I cry at times during my workouts. Sharing my anxiety with my instructor helps and being regular has started making me feel better.
2) I can’t sit through 20 mins yet of meditation so I play Tibetan Bowls meditation. I can’t reiterate more that it always helps.
3) During the time the meditation music plays, I get answers to some of my questions.
4) I have identified some of the triggers and I am approaching them very gingerly. Tackling them slowly.
I started out my blog and Instagram because I wanted to help others and somewhere I got really busy. Single motherhood might look like fun but it hasn’t been easy despite the support I get from my dad. Start up life might look like something to aspire for but trust me it takes a toll on you. And somehow in being consumed to make a living, it started eating me up that I’m not adding any value to either my life or anyone else’s life. And this thought started clawing me from the inside. The Ted Talk made it very clear to me today that my anxiety is giving me a signal. I haven’t found any answers yet. May be I need deeper connections, I need to start writing again and let myself be loved.
Life is in the breath and he who breathes half, lives a half-life . Breathing keeps us alive. While we are not sure how much pure air we inhale, the bodily function of pumping air into the body continues to work incessantly as long as we are alive. However, rarely do we realize the importance of the respiratory system in our body. But a slight breathing problem can pinch you to the gut and that’s when we realize taking care of it is really important. I have faced several alarming issues in the past with my son Kabir when he was really young. Continue Reading
As we grow older and life becomes hectic, the one thing that gets compromised is sleep. I have seen that happen to almost everyone. Everyone says you need less sleep as you get older but that is just another forward and a fallacy. I like to believe that I am in the best shape of my life right now. And as counter-intuitive as it might seem, I work out the least now. It’s only 3-4 days a week 45 minutes to an hour.
Compare this to when I used to run. I used to run at least 45 minutes every day. Add to that, the build up to a marathon and you are talking about at least 8-9 hours of running every week. Yet my weight barely budged. I used to still feel fatigued and survived on coffee most days. Doesn’t seem right, right? I have done a lot of retrospective analysis on what the possible reasons for this could be. And believe me, it has nothing to do with functional training being better than running. The key difference I found between the two scenarios, in fact, was how much I used to sleep. Sleep is the key time that your body breaks down fat and repairs muscle. Now that I am sleeping more, I am more enthusiastic about my workouts and see better effects thereof. Here are a few things that I have discovered on my journey to find better sleep. Continue Reading
Ask anyone to list out the 3 most prized possessions in life and am sure most of us will list family, health, money…agree? Sadly, chances are that we’re already negotiating on the health aspect for some more zeros in our bank accounts. Aren’t we all?
Rewind two generations; the simple and sound lifestyles our grandparents lived flash by. Active lives, zero screen menace. No Doremon robot to dish out gadgets to ease their work. No quick Ola for that lazy ride, No stress to maintain that impossible phone-life balance and no commuting that crazy traffic to be home on time to be by your child. Yes, that life was good, there was a meaning to the word harmony. Their 8 hour sleep never had annoying whatsapp pings to wake them. Continue Reading
Sometimes we take the most important things for granted. I recently went to the Havells water purifier lab and was amazed how I hadn’t paid attention to the one I have at home even though I’m well aware of increasing levels of pollution and impurities. There are multiple water purifiers available in the market. All water purifiers have their own USPs and all claim to give the best water quality. However, what you need to keep in mind is that all water purifiers come with different technical specifications and have certain basic requirements.
Some basics first – Continue Reading
I get quite a few mails/messages on what I do to take care of my skin. So, even though I think it’s a bit audacious of me (I say this because I don’t consider myself a skin care expert), I still decided to write about it. I have always had extremely dry skin but I didn’t care much till a couple of years back. I’m also outdoors a lot and have been told to reduce my activities as it will take a toll on my skin and hair but since that’s not an option, I thought that I will make a bit of an effort and create a routine to manage my skin instead. Again, I would urge you to see what works for your skin by trying different things, it took me many years to finally arrive at a routine that didn’t react and worked well with my skin. Continue Reading