Your “right time” is NOW

Kalyani is a mother of two and a homemaker.

“What on earth were you thinking?” I yelled at my 3 year old daughter. What was her offense? She thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if she inserted a small bead into her nostril. The bead got stuck deep inside and she couldn’t get it out. But why did that infuriate me so much? My husband was away on a business trip and I was all alone with my two kids, my younger one was only 6 months old. I would have to deal with this alone and it is no joy waiting for hours to be seen in Emergency with two kids, one under the age of a year.

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then

As I yelled, I saw my daughter cower in fear. I stopped and thought to myself, “What have I done?” My very own child was afraid of me, I had become a “scary mommy”. I always believed in raising kids to listen and respect parents because they love their parents not because they are afraid of them. Where had I gone wrong?

It is called postpartum depression. How did this happen to me? I have no “medical” idea but I know what made it worse. My son had a lot of health issues, to add insult to injury, many members of “extended” family were telling me where “I” went wrong and what “I” could be doing better or differently. I received a lot of unsolicited advice which made my “mommy instinct” falter. When it came to these people, it was always “my” problem, which “I” had to solve, it never was “our” problem which “we” could solve together.

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now

I tried to talk to my husband about the roller coaster of emotions I
was feeling, being wired differently because he is a man, he told me
to go to a doctor and “sort” myself out. I plucked up the courage to
speak to a doctor who also happened to be a male. He felt that my case was not “serious” enough to warrant medication/counseling. He told me that it is not about me any more, I have to get my “act” together for the sake of my kids. I failed to tell him that I had suicidal
thoughts, daily.

Pregnancy had left me 28kgs overweight. I was tired, lethargic and
depressed. I didn’t go out to meet people, I stayed at home because I
didn’t have the confidence to face people. I hated going to parties as
it entailed sitting with a seam ripper the day before and opening
stitches on my sari blouses – a very depressing task. Something had to change, I needed an outlet for all the negative emotions – an outlet that wouldn’t hurt anybody.

I then came to a realisation, my “aha’ moment: as a mom, in order to
take care of those who matter to me, I need to take care of myself
first, I need to be at my best, mentally, physically and emotionally.
There was no “waiting for the right time”, I had to “make the time
right for me.”

I went back to the basics. I was very active in my college days,
swimming, playing badminton and going for aerobics classes – the one thing I remembered from that time was how happy I felt, little did I know it was all due to the endorphin “rush” I felt post working out. And that is what I was going to do: sweat out my anger, sadness and frustration. Literally sweat it out of me.

I decided to research into working out at home using at home workout DVD’s. I had a few reasons, it snows a lot where I live, I hated going to gym in winter, my husband travels a lot so when he is out of town, I had no one to take care of the kids so that I could go to the gym.

I made a lot of mistakes on my journey to overcome PPD, some 28kgs later, this is what I learnt:

1) I decided to create simple ways to ensure that my fitness routine
was achievable: I started with 10 minutes 3 days a week (anyone can
manage 10 minutes – it was mentally easier to convince myself to
workout for 10 minutes vs. 30 minutes).

2) I stuck a workout calendar on my fridge with boxes to tick off
every day when I had completed my workout – this was my reminder of what I had to achieve for the sake of my own sanity and that of my
kids.

3) There were times when I felt demotivated and questioned myself.
That is when I chose to focus on my secondary desires to keep me on
track. Secondary desires, you ask? Feeling healthy, feeling energetic,
knowing you are doing something good for your body and your mind, knowing you are one step closer to a healthier and stronger you, knowing you are setting a good example for those around you,
especially your children.

4) Sometimes, when my kids were sick and I had sleepless nights, I
often didn’t feel like working out the next day. That is when I would
remind myself that I am doing this for my kids and my workout is only 10 minutes long, I can do this. I accepted, mentally, that this was a process, I needed to do it in steps and not try to do all the steps at
once. I kept reminding myself that babies are not born running, they
get there gradually but it is all one step at a time, essentially,
baby steps.

5) I learnt that unhealthy eating habits can affect one’s energy
levels and moods – essentially, you are what you eat. I made a
conscious decision to keep my house “clean” – I stopped stocking up on junk food, as a mom, the key was setting a good example for my kids. I always ensured healthy snacks were handy when needed, for example, having fruit cut up and stocked in the fridge.

I consistently stuck with this – I changed my lifestyle and the
biggest take away for me was overcoming my postpartum depression without any medical help. I am a happier person, I never would have thought that I could feel this way about myself after being through depression. What I would like other mothers to know is that you can only give your best if you are at your best. Focus on self-care, it is, by far, the most important thing a mother can do for herself and her kids.

*This is Kalyani’s personal experience and not medical advise.

39 Comments

  • ajay nambiar September 18, 2015 at 9:02 am

    well written as always anupriya. bravo to all the Kalyani’s in the world

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:37 pm

      Thank you for the kind compliments – I wrote it straight from my heart.

      Reply
  • Deepshikha Dua September 18, 2015 at 9:05 am

    It was motivating and really inspiring to read this! I am also trying to work out on myself.

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:40 pm

      This is very encouraging to hear as my aim is to reach as many moms as possible and show them how truly beautiful they are within themselves, to help them build self-esteem and confidence through fitness. You can do this, I have faith in you!

      Reply
  • Nischint Katoch September 18, 2015 at 10:18 am

    Very well written Anupriya…. keepwriting
    Respect to Kalyani. Gr8 inspiration.

    Reply
    • Kalyani October 7, 2015 at 10:14 pm

      Thanks Nischint, Anupriya was very kind enough to post what I had written without any changes and thank you for the kind words, respect to you too!

      Reply
  • RASHMI BALI September 18, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    So motivating
    It’s just never too late to Start on a get fit regime.

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:46 pm

      Very well said! In fact, just today, I posted on Facebook pictures of two women who started their fitness journeys very late in life, one at 43 and another at 56, one is in her 60’s now and the other in her 70’s, both look incredibly fit and years younger!

      Reply
  • Rhea Vora September 18, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    I am sailing in the same boat right now. i have 2 kids 2.5 yrs old girl and 5 months boy. By the time its OK for me to do some exercise it would be Boston cold already. Thanks for the inspiration. Beautifully expressed. Kudos to you mum!!

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:48 pm

      You can only start a fitness journey when you are mentally ready to do so and I understand what you mean about it being too cold, that is why I chose to workout at home because it is too cold where I live. My entire transformation was achieved working out at home using minimal equipment and space.

      Reply
  • ilin September 18, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    Very nice and motivational..my son was completed his one year…but now only I started postpartum weight loss through diet…still I never started any type of workout.but ur story is make strong..thanks for the posting..

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:33 pm

      Thank you very much! Remember, you can do anything you put your mind to – don’t let anyone or anything distract your focus from you goals, you can do this! I am cheering for you!

      Reply
  • shaini September 19, 2015 at 2:54 am

    me too motivated.

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      This makes me so happy! Thank you!

      Reply
  • parul tyagi September 19, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Hi
    I became a mother since 8 months back n til now m tryng to loose my weight . . its really inspiring to read al the things but pls do let me know wat kind of work out helped you so that i can also feel the same pleasure .

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Parul,

      I am working on my website where I will share my journey and connect with my followers and help them on a regular basis. If you would like to know when the site is live, you can register here: http://www.activmommas.com

      It takes 9 months to gain the weight, it will take time to lose it too, be patient with yourself – I only started working on my weight when my youngest was 3.

      Reply
  • Kalyani September 20, 2015 at 10:40 pm

    Thank you so much for this guest post Anupriya and a special thank you for posting it as I had sent it to you without needing to edit it at all! Gives me hope and courage that I am on the right track with my own writing.

    To all those who have posted comments – thank you, thank you, thank you!! I appreciate each and every kind word written! For the moms who read this and are seeking further assistance, go to http://www.activmommas.com, my landing page is up, website is to follow soon!

    Reply
  • rachna k September 21, 2015 at 5:17 am

    Really v inspiring and kudos to kalyani for overcoming all the external n internal issues and being what she really wanted to be….well done..god bless…

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:30 pm

      Very kind words indeed, much appreciated!

      Reply
  • Madhu September 21, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    You are very aspirational Kalyani!

    Keep motivating women and kudos to you !

    Reply
    • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:29 pm

      Thank you so much Madhu, I really appreciate your kind words!

      Reply
  • Kalyani September 22, 2015 at 10:49 pm

    Thank you so much for the beautiful and very kind words, I am truly humbled by them.

    Reply
  • Supriya October 3, 2015 at 3:07 am

    Kalyani mam… You are a true inspiration. Though I haven’t gained 28 kgs but only 10 kgs. I am left with chubby face, fat arms… And of course post pregnancy belly fat. I have joined your team. Hope it will have a change in my life. If it is yes, then I would not have any words to thank you. Keep motivating moms and god bless you and your wonderful kids

    Reply
    • Kalyani October 7, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      Supriya, I have received over 200 emails and almost 100 emails every day. I do believe it will change your life because I work differently – I am a mom, I understand the challenges a mom faces so I know how to help with those challenges. We can do this together!

      Reply
  • Rumana October 5, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    Very inspiring Kalyani. Being a mother I get similar feelings. But u r right we need to take care of ourselves to take care of them. I will definitely continue my efforts after this.

    Reply
  • Jessica October 6, 2015 at 9:29 am

    I have SLE, depression too, under medication everyday, im on my way to loose some weight, as steroids are endangering my life too at this moment, fatty liver, and obese. Im striving hard, to head to the gym, and now ive lost 2kgs, in 2 months, hope to continue, and give my best, for my future.

    Reply
    • Kalyani Pardeshi March 23, 2016 at 5:31 pm

      Congrats on your weight loss! I can imagine the concern you have with regards to the effects the medication is having on you. I am proud of you for having the right mindset to start this journey. Remember that weight loss is 80% nutrition and only 20% exercise, so focus on portion managed clean eating and you will see results. Feel free to contact me on Facebook if I can help you further. My best wishes are always with you!

      Reply
  • Shwetha October 7, 2015 at 6:20 am

    Ur journey is very inspiring for moms like me who really need the initial push to get going…thank u .I m thrilled to start my baby step right away.

    Reply
    • Kalyani Pardeshi March 23, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      I am so happy to hear this!!! Thank you for the kind words!

      Reply
  • Bhakti Narang October 8, 2015 at 8:10 am

    Hii!!
    Mam,
    Thnx a lot for in spring n sharing ur story with us m 35 n my son is 15 I would really love to loose my weight n be fit n in shape hv tried many thing like vlcc , Herbalife, yoga bt all r for sometime when stop them again gain how to mantain for long time plz share .

    Reply
    • Kalyani Pardeshi March 23, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      Hi Bhakti,

      Thank you for sharing your concerns with me, I understand how you feel as I have been where you are now and it is very frustrating, right? Please don’t take any diet supplements, they only work for as long as you are on them, once you come off them, you gain the weight back or worse, end up with severe medical problems due to side effects of such medications. Weight loss is 80% nutrition and only 20% exercise, it doesn’t mean you have to diet but you have to make sustainable lifestyle changes. I share all of this via a private group on Facebook and many moms have seen immense success, one having lost 14.5kgs in just 3 months! Feel free to contact me on Facebook. Will gladly help out!

      Reply
  • Devi October 9, 2015 at 4:41 pm

    True story of what so many moms are going through! This is so inspiring… Sometimes a real life example is all what we need to believe it is possible in reality and not just words… congratulations on your achievement and most importantly thank you for sharing it with everyone!

    Reply
    • Kalyani Pardeshi March 23, 2016 at 5:25 pm

      Thank you Devi, your words mean so much to me because my intention is exactly that – to enable other mothers to believe in them by showing them that even a regular mom like myself who has a thousand daily responsibilities could do it so can they! I am sharing everything I have learnt with over 1,000 moms via a private group on Facebook and many are showing incredible results. Makes me happy to spread this joy amongst others! Thanks once again!

      Reply
  • rajni verma October 25, 2015 at 2:04 am

    Am motivated Thanku

    Reply
    • Kalyani Pardeshi March 23, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply
  • rajni verma October 25, 2015 at 2:05 am

    Am impressed

    Reply
    • Kalyani Pardeshi March 23, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      Thank you!

      Reply
  • sonali March 29, 2016 at 4:12 pm

    Brilliant and sounds so familiar to me and so many of us! tell me how to reach out! maybe a friend motivating might work the magic i couldn’t 🙂

    Reply
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